


The art of pretending

by barbarello



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Sibling Incest, Unrequited Love, what a fucking bitch oh my god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 11:04:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1742489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbarello/pseuds/barbarello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't have to have a breakup when you fall out of love, apparently. Sometimes it's better to manufacture affection, all in the name of the greater good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Machine

Bård cannot quite put his finger on a moment he stopped loving Vegard - it just happened. He couldn't do anything about it, couldn't stop or prevent it, he just stopped caring - and he didn't bother to tell Vegard about that. He figured it'd hurt nobody if he didn't tell, he also wasn't particularly interested in breaking Vegard's heart or losing this steady money income that their comedy was. All things considered, carrying on with their love was the best decision.

So Bård builds a whole system of artificial reactions to Vegard: he turns being with him into a fully mechanical everyday job. He thinks of writing an encyclopedia on this subject, given how much carefully prepared actions he has at his disposal. Smile sweetly, when Vegard's talking about loving him more than anything else in the world, smile and whisper something tearfully nice back. Smile shyly, when Vegard discreetly holds his hand during interview, and squeeze his fingers. Close his eyes and sigh, when they're in bed and falling asleep in each other's arms. Throw in a lingering kiss, if he's feeling generous. Brush Vegard's hair off his face when the other expects him to do something - or better still, kiss him, kissing is always good, Vegard loves it, and Bård doesn't hesitate to use this knowledge to fill in empty spaces in their interaction. It doesn't fill in the emptiness in his chest when he looks at his brother, though.

He smiles when he's expected to, he kisses when he thinks it's suitable, and he doesn't argue when Vegard wants him, he just zones out and lets him have his way; holds him when Vegard's done and in desperate need of cuddles and pets his hair so that he'd fall asleep faster - all his actions are completely thought through. Bård doesn't feel anything towards his lightly snoring brother, but it doesn't bother him, and this unwanted love already gets on his nerves, but not nearly enough to call the whole thing off. It's too late and they're too far in it, anyway.

He slightly dreads the day Vegard asks him about their future, but he's sure he'll come up with some suitable answer, and for now the other seems to be happy with their relationship. Bård takes great pride in the fact that his machine is working, and he falls into an everyday routine that never changed since the very start of their second relationship, even when he was actually interested in it and in Vegard.  


Sleep, wake up, kiss Vegard's shoulder or neck, whichever's closer, say "How'd you sleep" in a raspy voice. Don't listen to the answer, turn around, sleep some more. Inability to be punctual, notorious sleepyness and the habit of sarcastic jokes on behalf of the loved ones really come in handy when you're sick of the very presence of the person you have to live and work with.

Wake up again, get up, joke about Vegard's bed hair. Get into shower. If Vegard insists on taking it together - agree and give him a handjob. If Vegard doesn't look happy enough, add an extra makeout session, make sure the other feels loved and wanted. Cringe internally and get breakfast. Get out of the apartment and go to work. Work. Work. Work. Avoid Vegard, but not too much. Joke about him - it's expected of Bård and it's a nice way to get some things off his chest.

Have lunch with Vegard and Calle, thank God for being brothers and having to act unaffected in public. Work. Work. Work. Get back to apartment. Make dinner (or wait until dinner is ready). Get through eating it, try not to scream when Vegard looks at him with eyes full of love and care, and look back at him with the same look instead. Hope that Vegard is tired and just wants to sleep. Hope that he will settle for watching some movie together. Escape to shower and take as much time as possible. Gather the patience to survive this evening. Get out of the bathroom to find Vegard awake and horny, act accordingly. Think of something good, zone out, act lost in pleasure. Maybe pretend to faint - this idea crossed Bård's mind many times but he didn't try it yet. Come, scream, hold him close. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle, try not to cringe or at least don't let Vegard see his face. Pretend to fall asleep to avoid conversations, wait until Vegard is done caressing his face, fall asleep properly.

Sometimes Bård thinks that this routine has to end and he has to tell his brother that he is not loved anymore. But he can't really get out of this endless road of lying - to himself and to Vegard - so he just convinces himself in the rightness of his actions, rationalizes it until he's not doubting it anymore, and continues on.


	2. Purgatory, hell, and torture

Vegard knows, of course.  
It's not that hard to notice Bård's strange behaviour, and Vegard is not that stupid to not understand what's going on. Understanding took time and effort, though.

Vegard thought that he just became annoying and maybe overwhelming and he toned his usually excited self down, but it didn't work. Bård kept saying meaningless stuff and kissing him without any reason, in the middle of a conversation, and it was very, very confusing. Vegard was lost in thoughts and theories about what did he do wrong, what was so bad about him for Bård to start acting so strange and unnatural. He tried being more attentive to Bård's needs, but he didn't want it. Vegard spent hours lying awake at night, looking at his soundlessly sleeping brother, pondering about his own flaws and their possible outcomes. He spent about two months in that purgatory of a relationship, wondering, worrying, and then fell straight to hell.

The answer occured suddenly, he wasn't even thinking about their relationship, just cutting up some pork for dinner in their kitchen. "He doesn't love me anymore" ran through his thoughts, and it struck Vegard to the ground, showered him with boiling hot and freezing cold water at the same time, he felt dizzy and unsteady and dropped the knife on the floor. He thought about that overly used phrase about pieces of a puzzle coming together, and how perfectly it described this moment of realization. He wanted to scream or call for help, but firstly, there was no one to help him, and secondly, what would he say? "I think my brother - who I am fucking, by the way - doesn't love me anymore, so now I'm screaming and dropping things"? Ridiculous. Vegard picked up the knife and reasoned to wait some more, gather some strength and then decide what to do.

So now he knows. He likes to think that it gives him some advantage and leverage, but it doesn't make him feel any better. His heart breaks every time Bård wakes up and kisses him, starting yet another day or pretending and lying. Vegard gets used to the idea of being unwanted as veterans get used to missing limbs, feeling as if his soul is being torn apart more and more each day, wishing sometimes for all feelings to end and for hollowness to fill his chest. He learns to cry soundlessly, unnoticeably, silently breaking in tears as they lie in bed, as he slowly strokes Bård's cheek with his thumb, lulling him to sleep as his tears slide down his face and on their pillows. Bård doesn't notice.

Vegard goes through the stage where he can't really decide whether to end this or to continue - probably the right thing to do is a breakup, but Vegard still loves Bård, even if Bård doesn't love him back. Besides, Vegard thinks that he's entitled to at least a little bit of a payback, so after days of thinking he decides to torture Bård with his love. If he still didn't break up with him, Vegard thinks, he can take some more. 

Vegard plays his extra complicated role of a brother, lover and co-worker without ever breaking a character, but inside he becomes more and more bitter. His jokes turn ugly and offensive, especially the ones about his brother, he tries to coax at least some emotion out of Bård, but without any result. Vegard doubles his efforts only to see how Bård would react. He pretends almost as much as Bård, but the only difference is that his actions are driven by love, not indifference. He kisses twice as long, he fucks twice as hard, he looks at him as lovingly as possible and he files away every time something dies in Bård's eyes when they look at each other. Something dies in Vegard's eyes too.

They both suffer, and he sees it; being a better actor is nothing here but a disappointment. Couldn't Bård act better, pretend better to not hurt him at all? Vegard takes out his sadness during sex, using less and less preparation, watching Bård become less and less present, he knows how wrong and unfair it is of him, but wasn't Bård the one to be unfair in the first place? It hurts Vegard even more when Bård gets aroused from his efforts, and it gives Vegard false hope about their love, and he cries again, tears falling on Bård's back, and he doesn't notice it again. Vegard cries freely, haltering in between his thrusts, sobbing and shaking; he've never felt so alone and so lost. Then he finds himself being wrapped up in Bård's arms, he forces himself to stop crying and cuddle some more, pretends that Bård really means it and really loves him. He falls asleep as he strokes Bård's face, dreading the next day.

They are both stuck in this: Bård is stuck pretending to love Vegard, and Vegard is stuck pretending that he doesn't know that it's not true. Well, Vegard sighs, imaginary and painful love is still better than nothing. Maybe one day Bård will love him again.


End file.
